Psychology: Can You “Love” Your Child Too Much?

Parental love is often described as unconditional. From birth, a special attachment forms between a mother and her baby, supported by hormone production. This period, known as the “fourth trimester” (or the “continuum”), highlights the importance of physical and emotional closeness for both mother and child.
However, new parents frequently hear comments like, “You’re too overprotective” or “Let them be independent.” This raises the question: Can you love your child too much? And is it actually beneficial for them? Psychologists provide some insights.

1. Unconditional Maternal Love

An “overdose” of love is common among parents, especially right after birth, when they are in awe of their long-awaited baby.
There are physiological reasons for this: Normally, an adult’s brain reacts to information in 250 milliseconds. But for new parents, their reaction time is significantly faster—50 milliseconds to their baby’s sounds and 140 milliseconds to their baby’s face!
Additionally, just two days after birth, a newborn emits a scent that activates the mother’s brain’s reward system, making parents feel “addicted” to their baby.
Psychologically, this can also stem from the deep desire for a child and the idealization of parenthood. Some parents may compensate for a lack of love they experienced in their own childhood or unconsciously replicate their upbringing.

2. Is It Good for the Baby?

Some psychologists argue that excessive love might prevent a child from forming other attachments and socializing with peers or other adults. An exclusive relationship with one parent could lead to social withdrawal and hinder their exploration of the world.
Certain signs may indicate an overly intense parent-child bond. In some cases, the child instinctively begins to push the parent away.

3. Too Much or Not Enough?

While too much love can delay a child’s independence, they will naturally seek autonomy over time—through the well-known “terrible twos” and later during adolescence.
On the other hand, lack of love has far more harmful long-term consequences. It can negatively affect personality development and emotional well-being. A child deprived of affection may grow into an emotionally imbalanced adult.

What About Fathers?

At birth, the mother is usually the primary attachment figure, but sometimes this bond takes time to develop, especially if the mother experiences postpartum depression. In such cases, the father (or second parent) plays a crucial role in balancing the relationship.
A father’s involvement should begin during pregnancy to ensure a well-balanced “dose of love.” Supporting the mother, providing reassurance, and participating in prenatal bonding activities (such as haptonomy) can help the father establish a connection with the baby early on.
This concept has even been included in the “First 1,000 Days” initiative developed by the government in collaboration with scientists and psychologists.

Ultimately, parents are the best judges of their child’s needs. The mere fact that you ask yourself, “Do I love my child too much?” shows your ability to reflect and maintain a healthy balance. Every child has unique emotional needs, and parents are the best equipped to understand them.