How to Tell My Eldest That I'm Pregnant?

A joyful event is on the way, your belly is starting to round out, and you're wondering how your eldest will react to the pregnancy announcement. While you're filled with happiness, children don’t always see the arrival of a new baby in the family the same way. So, how can you tell them? Here are some tips to share the news with love and care.

Pregnancy Announcement to Older Children: Should You Tell Them Early?

Before announcing your pregnancy, many parents wait until after the first trimester. Even with children, it’s better to wait for this period. This helps protect them in case of any bad news. However, children often sense things. They can feel changes and notice how your behavior shifts. If your belly is already beginning to show and they’re at an age to ask questions, they will probably wonder why you're physically changing.

The Best Way to Announce Your Pregnancy

There’s no one right or wrong way to announce your pregnancy to your child. You should do it in a way that feels natural to you. Some moms might want to show an ultrasound picture, while others might prefer to turn it into a game (like a guessing game) if the eldest is old enough. Some parents may choose to prepare their child gradually, talking about it little by little, showing the belly's growth, and mentioning that a playmate will soon arrive. Whatever you choose, the announcement should be made with joy, never with anxiety.

Children are like sponges they can feel everything. If they sense worry in your voice, they might question whether it’s truly good news and wonder if they should be happy.

My Eldest is Upset Since Finding Out

This is a normal reaction, as they’ve been the center of attention since their birth. If they seem sad following the pregnancy announcement, it means they need to process what they're feeling. Reassure them that you love them just as much and that nothing will change. Children need reassurance when faced with changes because their daily life will be disrupted. Again, don’t stress when talking to them. If they sense your anxiety, they may think the changes are because of the baby, which isn’t the goal.

The goal is to prepare them positively, explaining all the fun things they’ll be able to do with their new sibling, and reminding them that patience will be required at first after all, babies don’t walk or talk right away!

Involve Them in the Pregnancy, Why Not?

Yes, you can absolutely involve your eldest in these exciting months! We’re not talking about bringing them to the ultrasounds since they might not understand the images but you can include them in preparations. Let them help choose toys, pick out a new stuffed animal, or help decorate the new room. This can be a great way to prepare them for the future introductions. You could also encourage them to sing songs or tell stories to your belly it could be a fun way for them to bond with the new baby.

Create a Waiting Calendar

To involve your child in the pregnancy, you could start a fun activity with a waiting calendar. How? By making a timeline with the months, the seasons, and the due date at the end. The best part? It helps you both learn about the months, seasons, and also creates a fun activity together. The timeline can be decorated with pictures, words of love, anecdotes, drawings, and more.

"Mum, What’s a Baby?"

The first few months may be a little tricky to manage. The new baby will require time, energy, and may disrupt your eldest with their crying. To explain what a baby is, pull out old photo albums and remind your child how they were when they were younger and how you cared for them. Explain that you’ll be doing the same for their sibling.

If you have videos, even better, as they can help you explain.

Managing Jealousy After Announcing the Pregnancy

Jealousy might set in, and it’s a normal feeling for a child who has never had to share their parents' attention. Don’t reject this jealousy it’s part of their emotional development.

Make sure they know they are a source of joy for you, and that you still need them. Once again, reassure them that your heart will never be divided in two, and that you love them just as much as the new baby. Without putting pressure on them, it can be helpful to explain that they will be the "big one" in the house, which might make them feel proud.

Approaching the Birth

The big day is approaching, and you might feel nervous about leaving your child behind, but don’t worry stay calm !

You’ve got this. Here are a few tips for managing the "baby’s arrival alert":

• Keep your eldest at home with their dad. They need to feel included and have some continuity, even if grandparents are available to look after them. But if dad needs help, they are welcome to stay at home.
• Due to COVID, mothers can’t receive their children at the hospital, which may create a void for both of you. The separation might feel really long for everyone. What if you organized daily video calls?
• If dad has to stay with you, don’t panic! Adapt and invite family members like grandparents, aunt, uncle, godparents, to come and stay at home to look after your eldest and maintain their sense of security.

Regression Alert: My Eldest is Acting Like a Baby!

If your eldest is disappointed and wasn’t expecting this new life with a baby, they might become irritated by the crying and the lack of time. They can’t play with the tiny human right away. So, they might think that acting like a baby could attract your attention.

Don’t scold them or forbid this behavior. Doing so may only worsen their feelings and increase any tantrums. Instead, acknowledge what’s happening and allow time for it to pass. This phase is temporary, and you’ll soon see that acting like a baby will quickly lose its appeal. If the behavior persists, consider talking to a healthcare professional.

Source:
cairn.info